Monday, 19 February 2018

Reading Cerebus #9

Hi, Everybody!

First up, the Cerebus in Hell? Auctions continue:
The Un-Bedable Vark #1.
The Undateable Cerebus #1.
And The Proof of CAN7: Flight
So open your checkbooks and bid, Bid, BID!!! (Or not, I don't care what you do. Ya bunch of selfish Scrooges...)

Anyway:
"Say kids, what time is it?"
"It's 'READING CEREBUS' time! "
It's "READING CEREBUS" time.
It's "READING CEREBUS" time.
Kevin reads Cerebus for you,
It’s such a nifty thing to do.
Let’s give a rousing cheer,
Cause "Reading Cerebus" is here,
It’s time to start the column,
Nothing rhymes with column...
Kevin Kimmes:

Welcome back to “Reading Cerebus”, a new (some-what) weekly column here at A Moment of Cerebus. The goal of this column is to bring a fresh perspective to the 300-issue saga of Cerebus as I read through the series for the first time and give my insights into the longest running independent comic book series of all time. Think of this as part book club, part lit-crit, and part pop culture musing. Oh, and they told me Dave Sim himself may be reading this, so I hope I don’t screw this up. Let’s continue.

Issue 9 - Swords Against Imesh
Issue #9: Swords Against Imesh

Cerebus leads the Conniptin army to the city of Imesh with plans to enslave it and add to the strength of the Conniptin's holdings. However, when no gate can be found to enter Imesh, Cerebus goes solo to find out what has become of the city of his youth.

Well, I Didn't Vote For You


"King" Cerebus...there's just something sort of funny about this to me. After 8 issues of seeing Cerebus as a sword for hire, seeing him giving orders and leading an army just seems a bit, well, odd. And, if it seems odd to us as readers, it becomes painfully obvious that it is out of step for Cerebus as well.

The endless chatter of the Conniptin warriors (or "cheerleaders", as Cerebus refers to them) has obviously begun to grate on his nerves, and when they are met with an impenetrable wall around Imesh, Cerebus immediately reverts back to that which he knows best, going solo.


Deep thoughts on the RED CRESCENT QUARTER courtesy of CerebusDownloads.com
This Is Not My Beautiful House

Upon scaling the wall that surrounds Imesh, Cerebus exclaims that this is not the city of "...the aardvark's youth!" This is interesting, as I believe this to be the first real concrete piece of information that we get regarding Cerebus' past prior to us meeting him at the age of 26.

This revelation also goes a long way to explaining why it was that Cerebus felt so sure about staging a raid on the walled city. Having spent his youth there, he would know the lay of the land, thus giving him an advantage over other would-be adversaries of the city who were unfamiliar. It also explains his confusion over the missing gate.

Well I'm A King Bee, Baby

Upon entering the city, Cerebus is tricked into following Sedra into a trap set by the King of Imesh, K'Cor. K'Cor explains to Cerebus that the people of Imesh are now his slaves thanks to a concoction of "...grain, protein, three vitamins, starches, sugars, an opium derivative, and artificial colouring..." he calls Buz.

For fun, here is a short list of famous Buzz's in pop-culture:

 - Buzz Aldrin (Second man to walk on the moon) - "Beautiful view. Magnificent desolation."
 - Buzz Cola (The Simpsons) - "Twice the sugar, twice the caffeine."
 - Buzz Beer (The Drew Carey Show) - "Cleveland rocks!"
 - Buzz Lightyear (Toy Story) - "To infinity and beyond!"
 - Buzz's Girlfriend (Home Alone) - "Woof!"

What Price Freedom
"I know what you're going to say! "They are men and men should be free." A freeman is dangerous to himself and everyone else. Freedom should be left to those who can put it to good use. I used my freedom to get power! And then used my power to get more power..."
- K'Cor, King of Imesh

This is the philosophy that K'Cor has used to justify his enslavement of the people of Imesh. What makes him better than these people? Nothing. So why should he be allowed to enslave them? Well, it all comes down to the fact that he created Buz and made junkies out of not only the common man, but the high council as well.

K'Cor found an opportunity to elevate himself in a power vacuum, and by hook, or in this case mostly crook, he has established himself as a Demi-God, the only one capable of sustaining the people's addiction.

While Cerebus can understand, to a point, K'Cor's rationale is not without it's compassion. He cares for his slaves as they gave their freedom (willingly/un-wittingly) for the greater cause. What greater cause, you ask? Well, "The defense of Earth against the secret invasion of Venusians!"

The Truth about Venusians courtesy of K'Cor, and CerebusDownloads.com
Keep Watching The Skies

You're shitting me...aliens! Yup, this is K'Cor's belief and why he is having the enslaved people of Imesh build a 200 foot high sacred symbol of the Venusian's which he says symbolizes the death of their race! Can someone get Giorgio A. Tsoukalos on the phone and verify if any of this is true? Aliens!

The Fabled Energy Globes of Imesh courtesy of sorcery, and CerebusDownloads.com
They Poisoned The Watering HoleHaving heard enough, Cerebus and K'Cor come to an agreement to settle the matter at hand, a wager of kings. If Cerebus can pass through the corridor unscathed and then defeat K'Cor's champion, he will win the city and it's slaves. Lose, and his men will be added to the slave pool.

This reopened back wound courtesy of Ironic Fate, and CerebusDownloads.com 
Despite passing through the corridor, where his previous wound is re-opened, and then defeating both the hot-headed Panrovian and K'Cor himself, Cerebus finds in the end only defeat. K'Cor tells Cerebus that the water supply outside the city has been poisoned and that all of his men are dead. He is left alone and stranded with no food, money or shelter. Sometimes when you win, you still lose.

Final Thoughts
The art in this issue has a notably different look to it, divergent of the BWS emulation of the early issues. Researching this further, I found that for this issue Dave had Deni applying the spot blacks during the inking phase which allowed him to speed up the preparation of the book. It gives the book a heavier sense of contrast which to me just feels different, not better or worse, just different.

Join me back here next week as we look at Issue 10: Merchant of Unshib

Currently Listening To: Grateful Dead - Dick's Picks Vol 14 11/30/73 & 12/2/73 (Disc 2)

Kevin Kimmes is a lifelong comic book reader, sometime comic book artist, and recent Cerebus convert. He can be found slinging comics at the center of the Multiverse, aka House of Heroes in Oshkosh, WI.

Sunday, 18 February 2018

Hark! A Fax from Dave, and other stuff...

Hi, Everybody!

First up, the Cerebus in Hell? Auctions continue:
The Un-Bedable Vark #1.
The Undateable Cerebus #1.
And The Proof of CAN7: Flight
So open your checkbooks and bid, Bid, BID!!! (Or not, I don't care what you do. The Daves might, but I don't...)

And then, I got a fax from Dave:



So, if AMOCdom assembled wants more, I'll tell Dave to have Dave send it along, but if AMOCdom assembled doesn't give a crap, I'll tell Dave to have Dave send it along, and I'll just keep it for myself...

Sound off in the comments either way, everybody here at AMOC is waiting with bated breath...

Next time: HURRY UP and decide you jerks, I'm turning blue here!!!

Saturday, 17 February 2018

For Sale: Cerebus In Hell? and Flight CAN7 prototype and Gerhard stuff!

Hi, Everybody!

So I'm sure you all watched Dave's Weekly Update for this week (if not, it's right below this post. Go ahead and scroll down and watch it, I'll wait...)

ANYWAY, here's the links to:

The prototype Cerebus Archive Number 7 portfolio.

And the UNDATEABLE CEREBUS Final Proof.

And since Steve mentioned it in the comments to Dave's Weekly Update, Gerhard and Mike Zeck's Punisher.



AND and, tomorrow(?) Gerhard's World Without Cerebus: Fallen Idol print goes up.



























So I hope everybody has been saving their scheckles...

(Full disclosure: I'm currently winning the CiH? auction. I'm kinda hoping "some yenta with more money than brains" (I'm looking at you, Seiler,) shows up and outbids me...)


Next Time: Auctions! More Auctions!! ALL AUCTIONS, ALL THE TIME!!! Right here on A Moment Of AUCTIONS!!!!! (wait a minute...)



Friday, 16 February 2018

Printing Cost Blues & Auction Mania!! (Dave's Weekly Update #222)

Hi, Everybody!

Heeeeeere's Dave:


I haven't found any Cerebus In Hell? original art auctions on the eBays, but I'll update as more info comes in. Promise.

UPDATE: There it is!

Next time:Gee what do I got around the house I could donate for Dave to auction?

Thursday, 15 February 2018

Odd Transformations . . .3

MARGARET LISS: 
A few years ago I scanned all of Dave Sim's notebooks. He had filled 36 notebooks during the years he created the monthly Cerebus series, covering issues #20 to 300, plus the other side items -- like the Epic stories, posters and prints, convention speeches etc. A total of 3,281 notebook pages detailing his creative process. I never really got the time to study the notebooks when I had them. Just did a quick look, scanned them in and sent them back to Dave as soon as possible. So this regular column is a chance for me to look through those scans and highlight some of the more interesting pages.

The last time we looked at Dave Sim's tenth Cerebus notebook was back in May 2016 in Odd Transformations. . .4 part 2. Notebook #10 had 115 pages scanned and covers Cerebus #87 through 95.

For issue #89 Dave did a bunch of thumbnails showing the page lay-out. On page 30 of the notebook is the thumbnail for page 17, or page 771 of Church & State II:

Notebook #10, page 30
It looks like he was thinking of Cerebus holding the coin between his thumb and finger, looking at it while it grows larger, the text Terim appearing. Instead, what makes the finished book is the thumbnail below that, with the coin turning more into an sphere.


Church & State II, page 771
There is also a small glimpse of the next page, with Cerebus waking up. Instead of his look in the first panel, the quick sketch above the thumbnail is the expression we see on Cerebus' face in the finished issue.


Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Paper to Pixel To Paper Again Addendum D: Working in Color, Part 3

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15
16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29
A guide to creating the best looking line art in print in the new digital print world

Addendum D:
Working in Color, Part 3
Greetings!

This is the second addendum to Paper to Pixel to Paper Again, a series that explains (in an overly thorough manner) the how-to's of preparing line art for print.


And as always, if you have any questions, please let me know in the comments!

***

Are You Telling Me We're Going to Get Through an ENTIRE INSTALLMENT of This Series Without Mentioning Sharpening??!

Everything we've done so far has been intended to address the stages of the work we've already gone through. That is, the color adjustments and the 180 degree rotation are because of the limitations and the mechanism of the input/scanning stage. Now we're going to make a few adjustments based on the next steps instead.

First off, this is probably the third time that I've recommended it, but if you're interested in these topics, do yourself a favor and find a copy of the classic REAL WORLD Image Sharpening by Bruce Fraser and Jeff Schewe (plenty of $10 copies at a certain South-American-themed website.) Although I disagree with several of their conclusions, particularly regarding resolution and supposed importance of noise reduction, it's an invaluable resource for anyone working for color reproduction.

Using the language of REAL WORLD Image Sharpening, we're first going to do just a bit of "capture sharpening". That is, we'll do some very mild sharpening to counteract the inevitable softening effect that any optical capture system exhibits.

PERIODIC NEUROTIC REMINDER—If your source image has any iterative mechanical pattern, such as screen tone, or scans of previously-halftoned material, DO NOT DO THIS STEP. You'll need to address it in some other way before proceeding.



Here's an adjusted scan of an illustration of mine from last year. As I typically do, I scanned it at-size at 600 ppi RGB, then adjusted the Levels with the original in my hand, side by side with the monitor.

(In this case, I also "cheated" a bit on the figure, adjusting his skin tone separately from the rest of the image, as he had a rather lifeless pallor in the original).

So! Time for the "capture sharpening". Let's zoom in way too close.


Yeah, like I said, WAY too close. Click to see it at 100 percent.

You can see some of the (totally normal) softness in the scan. Those streaks of red are from a water color pencil. They should have a bit of grit to them.

Because there's not really any noise per se to bring up in a painting like this — no undesirable texture etc — we can get away with applying a healthy dose of sharpness, using the Unsharp Mask tool.



 And here's the result. Click it to enlarge and see the image at 100 percent of the scan size.
Okay! Having sharpened things up, we're now going to resize our image for our destination.

If you're placing this image in a layout that has more than one image or graphic additions, go ahead and place your image now, and shrink or enlarge at will within your graphics program, finding out the optimum size within the layout.

Once you know what it is, open your original again in Photoshop and hit Ctrl-I to bring the Image Resize menu up.



Click the dropdown boxes until you have the "Percent" value revealed. In my case, I'm going to shrink this to 60 percent of the original size. Enter that value in your Percent box. If you're reducing in size, select Bicubic as the method (In my experience, Bicubic Sharper can make things way too crispy). Lastly, if you're not already there, enter your target resolution. As mentioned before, if you're printing on coated paper, I'd recommend somewhere between 400 and 600 ppi. (You'll notice the Percentage value might change if you change your target resolution. It's just doing the math for you, what the actual pixel change will be, not just the dimensional change).

When you're ready, hit "Ok".

Now that we're actually in the resolution space of the final files, it's time for our final blast of sharpening. In the parlance of REAL WORLD Sharpening, this is our "output sharpening" phase.

If our first round was targeting the high frequency information (small details), this is a grosser layer, trying to prepare for the softening effect of the halftoning that the image will experience when it's printed. As such, you'd be wise to back off the Threshold somewhat so the sharpening is effecting less of your image, and raise the Radius a bit from the modest setting we had before.


Please note — if your finished document will be printed on a Xerox all-in-one at your local Office Depot or Fedex Office, those machines are set to automatically apply this kind of output sharpening to documents. So you can either skip this step or ask them to turn off the sharpening on their interface when printing! This stuff can look harsh and crispy if it's overdone.

It's my experience, however, that the reverse is usually true. People don't tend to apply enough because it can look a little odd on screen. But it's what you need to blast through that softening printing screen!
Here's a close up of a scan of one of Dave's paintings that was turned into a bonus print for one of the first Cerebus Archive Kickstarters. It's a pretty soft scan.


And here's the pretty crispy file I sent to the printer, with two stages of sharpening, as detailed below.


And here's an up-close scan of the final print, half-tone dots and all. Notice how the haloing and strange crispiness has disappeared in the print, eaten up by the inevitable softening of the printing process.


What's Next?

Save your optimally-sharpened and resized image and replace the scaled version in your layout program. Now it's time to output your layout to PDF!

(Seriously, get REAL WORLD Image Sharpening and read the whole thing. And for goodness sake's, don't let your sharpened copy be anything more than a COPY of the original file. Things are changing fast, and you don't want to be stuck with an unnecessarily crispified image at some point in the future!)

Next: Is That All You've Got, Seanny Dude?

Tuesday, 13 February 2018

Hey! I KNOW That Aardvark!

Hi, Everybody!

And welcome to the first entry in AMOC's newest semi-regular feature: Hey! I KNOW that aardvark!

Today's entry: Box Office Poison by Alex Robinson

It's for sale if you're interested...
So, I reached out to Mr. Robinson with my questions, and it went like this:
AMOC: Why THIS aardvark? 
Alex Robinson: I'm not really sure what this one means. If it helps, I also liked the aardvark in those "Ant & the Aardvark" cartoons.
Box Office Poison Page 11 (Now I want a Cerebus head shirt...)
AMOC: How did you first find our aardvark?
Alex Robinson: I'd been reading superhero comics for a few years and was starting to expand my horizons and explore "indy"comics, as they were known at the time. I read an article about Cerebus in a short-lived magazine called "Comics Collector," which was I believe put out by Don & Maggie from the CBG, and it sounded intriguing. My first issue was #65, which was also Gerhard's first issue and features the title "Anything Done for the First Time Unleashes a Demon," appropriately. This would've been 1983 or 84 I'm guessing. 
 
Box Office Poison page 51 (Cerebus behind Stephen. Best costume at the party, hands down.)
AMOC: Thoughts on Dave or the series?
Alex Robinson: The series is brilliant, at least the first two thirds of it. It's such a strange, unique work that it's worth checking out just for that, but the cartooning is fantastic and had a huge impact on my own work. Even the parts that aren't "good" are at least weird enough to be interesting. I think it kind of runs off the rails as it goes on and Dave Sim's politics and personal interests start taking precedence over compelling storytelling or characterization but up until the end he and Gerhard continued to push the envelope in terms of cartooning. 
I've met Dave Sim a few times over the decades and he was always decent to me and his encouragement meant a lot of me during my own early years of bitter struggle. I disagree with a lot of his opinions but it's his life. I have a hard time being critical of him because he was such an important figure to me when I was a teenager, almost an absentee mentor. One irony is that the first time I read issue #186, the proverbial smoking gun of Dave Sim's misogyny, I didn't even notice it because the text pieces had gotten so dense and esoteric that I'd started skimming them. Since this was before the internet I only learned about it months later. I guess I'm tolerant of his views because they're so extreme (women can read minds, the ongoing struggle between God and YooHoo, for instance) that even most hardcore misogynists would find them puzzling. Plus, he's so marginalized at this point that it's hard to see his views as any kind of threat. 
It's sad that his illnesses have stopped him from being able to draw anymore. 
Box Office Poison page 58 (Elrod and Lord Julius? Best. Party. Ever!)
AMOC: Would you still use Cerebus if you were doing the work for the first time, now?
Alex Robinson:  I'll still work Cerebus into a drawing occasionally. As time has gone on I've generally put less jokey gags in the backgrounds so that's probably a bigger factor in not putting him in than anything else. I still doodle Cerebus all the time. The other day actually, it occurred to me that I've probably drawn him more than any other character I didn't create and probably more than many I did create. I picked up the habit in high school and he's still my absent-minded doodle of choice. 

Box Office Poison page 229 (Now we know what happened to Cerebus' sword after Reads...)
AMOC: Jaka or Sophia?
Alex Robinson:  Sophia. For one thing, Sophia was a prominent character when I first started reading so she'll always have a special place in my heart. Also, I never really liked Jaka as a character. Her early appearances worked because she was almost more of a symbol than a genuine character--she would show up, there would be feelings and she'd leave. I was fascinated by the fact that Dave Sim seems to have put her in the book in the last third because it was what the audience and Cerebus wanted. I found it interesting because Dave Sim was famous for his stubborn independence so why is he suddenly letting us (and Cerebus) call the shots? Also, since she didn't really have much of an established character she took on all the aspects of womanhood that Dave Sim had contempt for--shallow, self-centered, etc. which made it less fun to read.
Box Office Poison page 526, (Check out the second guy from the left in the last row.)
AMOC: Thanks for answering. Wait, that’s not a question…
Alex Robinson:  Let me know if you have any other questions!
Box Office Poison page 325 (No Aardvark, I know, but I do own the original of this page, and wanna brag...)
So there you have it.

I'd like to extend a HUGE thanks to Alex Robinson for taking the time to answer my stupid questions, and for letting me run images from Box Office Poison, THANKS ALEX!

If you've read Box Office Poison, or if you're gonna read Box Office Poison, don't be surprised if you find yourself saying, "Hey! I KNOW that aardvark!"

If you've found our Aardvark in a comic, send a message to momentofcerebus@gmail.com, and you might get credited in a future installment of: Hey! I KNOW that aardvark!

Next time: Images of Cerebus, I almost guarantee it...

MINDS Remastered Edition-- Order Now!



APR178991
(W) Dave Sim (A/CA) Dave Sim
The multi-year Cerebus Restoration project continues! Minds, the tenth volume of the 6,000 page Cerebus epic, finds the titular misanthropic aardvark hurtling through space alongside Cirin, his opponent and fellow aardvark, both heading for a direct collision with their small-m maker - "Dave" - a mysterious being who talks with them about themselves and their world, and who just might resemble Cerebus writer/cartoonist Dave Sim. Minds is the groundbreaking conclusion to the first two-thirds of the Cerebus epic, presented here for the first time in remastered form: painstakingly restored page-by-page from original artwork and photo negatives, and revealing detail never before present on the printed page. This volume also includes eight brand-new pages of extras, including a 6,000 word essay by Sean Michael Robinson.
In Shops: Apr 25, 2018
SRP: $30.00

Order now! Like, right now!!! Time is running short...

Monday, 12 February 2018

"Let me see your blog, blog, let me see your blog" Bloggymail #3

Hi, Everybody!

First:
The Saga continues...
Anyway, THIS:

Your ol' Interim Editor Matt Dow here. Today, I thought we'd take a look back at Dave Sim's Blog & Mail. Specifically, the third one. With my then-commentary.


Preamble: Dave Sim's Blog & Mail ran on the Cerebus Yahoo group from September 13th, 2006 to December 26th, 2007. And...no, that's pretty much all you needed to know. I used to call it the "bloggymail" because in Spanish, "and" is "y", and I thought "Blog y Mail" sounded funny, or something. Dude, it was a decade ago. Wait do you want? Anyway,

On 9/15/06, Dave Sim < dsim@nonexistente-mail.net > wrote:
Friday September 15 –
Today's Blog & Mail is brought to you by the Theory of Relativity.
The Theory of Relativity. It Wants Back into Today's Headlines
And it's willing to use modern marketing methods to do it!

But, I have to ask: What has the Theory of Relativity done for me lately?  Schrodinger's Cat Paradox helped bring in the groceries last night.  AND did the dishes without having to be asked.


We'll be back after this short commercial message

Alright.



Hey, Cerebus Retailers!

Answer your phone in the month of September with the phrase that pays:

"Cerebus Doesn't Actually Suck—it's just those idiots on the Comics Journal message boards that make it sound like it does!"

and you could win $5,000 in Cerebus Merchandise!

Who from? We don't know, but there must be somebody

Who'll give you $5,000 in Cerebus merchandise to answer your phone that way!

Um...I think I'll pass on mentioning this one to Jed.  (Yes, my local retailer is named Jed.  I believe it's short for Jedediah.)


Plans for the "YE BOOKES OF CEREBUS" exhibit and performance are continuing for Salt Lake City at the end of October (a few days after the end of Ramadan).

If we get the car loan, Paula and I will be there.  Of course, we'll have to pull a "Seiler" and drive for a day.  But SHE wants to go.  I'm not the one dragging her along.


Performance? Mimi Cruz is putting together a power point presentation of the first 40 pages of The Last Day which I'll be reading while it's projected behind me (or possibly "onto me" if we can't get the big auditorium).

Ha!  "Dave sure gets into Cerebus!"


Should run about three hours with a nice intermission in the middle.

Will there be punch? 'Cause I'm a sucker for good punch.


Our pitch to the book festival patrons? "GIVE US 15 MINUTES AND WE BET YOU STAY FOR THE WHOLE THING."

You're gonna disobey the fire marshall and lock the doors aren't you?


This will be followed by a Q&A and autographing session and that's what will be on all the advertising and promotion of the event in Salt Lake City. What we're hoping to do right here and now, however, is to let all you Yahoos know that GER AND I WILL BE AVAILABLE FROM NOON ON even though the actual program won't begin until, as advertised, later in the afternoon.

Yippee!  If turn-out is low, I can be annoying.  (Not that I wanna be annoying, I just feel that I turn annoying.)  ((I may need help.))


That is, just between Ger, me and the Yahoos, Ger will be in the actual exhibit room from noon on and I'll be inside the auditorium from noon on if you want anything autographed or just want to drop by and chat.

And in my case, be annoying.


We hate like heck to see Yahoos having to wait in line behind Non-Yahoos

Damn Right!  And can we bump Lenny Cooper too?  (Just kidding L nny.)


(Or "Soohays" I guess you would call them)

As good a name as any.  I case.


AND HUSBAND-AND-WIFE NIGHT FLIGHT COMICS IMPRESSARIOS ALAN CARROLL AND MIMI CRUZ DID A HECK OF A JOB PUTTING TOGETHER THE SINGLE BEST-ATTENDED CEREBUS STORE SIGNING FOR ME BACK IN 1994

Cool.


so there may be a number of Soohays in attendance twelve years later on.

Crap.


Of course there may not (THE 1994 SIGNING WAS THE LAST SIGNING BEFORE ISSUE 186 CAME OUT)

Coo...Cra... Hey guys, how are we handling this one?


but the invitation includes Yahoos in full standing as well as lurkers (feel free to just stare at all of us from begind a nearby pillar)

Man I hope they don't.  That's just freaky.  All these people in Fedoras, sunglasses, and trench coats standing behind pillars.  And there aren't any pillared structures around.  They bring their own freestanding pillars.  Creepy.


and anyone else who isn't still sulking about issue 186 TWELVE YEARS LATER!

Well Dave, to be fair.  You did call them "whiny crybabies who never let anything go."



BULLETIN! BULLETIN! BULLETIN! UBER-YAHOO MATT "YEAH I'M MARRIED NOW: WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OF IT?" DOW NO LONGER LIVES AT 2115 MONROE STREET IN TWO RIVERS, WISCONSIN.

Haven't for two years now.


WE REPEAT: MATT DOW NO LONGER LIVES AT 2115 MONROE STREET IN TWO RIVERS WISCONSIN.

And you've sent me at least two letters and two packages at the new address.


THIS INFORMATION CAME TO LIGHT WHEN A LETTER ADDRESSED TO HIM WAS RETURNED WITH A CHECK MARK NEXT TO "NOT DELIVERABLE AS ADDRESSED".

Yup.  The six month forwarding period ran out.


IT IS ALSO ADORNED WITH A YELLOW STICKER READING: DOW-115 542412005 1N 09 07/01/06 (ONLY ONE INTEGER OFF FROM E. HOWARD HUNT'S CIA FILE NUMBER. COINCIDENCE? HAHA! AS IF!)

Why my good friends G. Gordan Liddy and Henry Kissinger, I mean "TWO STRANGERS WHOM I'VE NEVER MET, MUCH LESS GIVEN MONEY TO." always say that that was a clerical error.


AND "UNABLE TO FORWARD", "NO FORWARD ORDER ON FILE" AND "RETURN TO POSTMASTER OF ADDRESSEE FOR REVIEW" AS WELL AS HALF A BAR CODE.

The other half doesn't work for MI-6 Dave.  No matter what the photos show.


IN A LATE-BREAKING DEVELOPMENT A STRANGE CANCELLATION MESSAGE APPEARS ON THE ENVELOPE READING: "FROM ANYWHERE TO ANYONE" AND (EN FRANCAIS) "DE PARTOUT JUSQU-A VOUS" (ROUGHLY TRANSLATED "BLOW IT OUT YOUR EAR, ANGLO SWINE"). THE LETTER HAS BEEN SITTING IN GERHARD'S IN-BOX FOR ABOUT SIX WEEKS NOW (HIS SUBTLE WAY OF INQUIRING "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?" THE FIRST WEEK AND "CAN YOU PLEASE REMOVE THIS FROM MY IN-BOX?" IN EACH OF THE SUBSEQUENT FIVE WEEKS)

It's all a plot to drive him mad.


AND IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY CONTAINS A DRAWING OF FAMOUS MATT DOW CARTOON CREATION "BONER THE RUNT DOG"

Ha!  "Famous".  Well maybe now because:


BY YOURS TRULY

You're making my Boner famous. (That sentence makes me feel dirty.)


(SEE www.yourstruly.com.) (THAT WAS A JOKE, BY THE WAY,YOU WWW.COMPUTEROBSESSESSEDPAVLOVIANDOGS.COM).

"Say, what was the name of the band that first recorded 'WWW.COMPUTEROBSESSESSEDPAVLOVIANDOGS.COM '?"


If either Matt or his lovely bride can email Ger a new address maybe we can move this project forward sometime before Christmas and Boner can find a new home (NO CRACKS, PLEASE).

Done.  But just in case Ger didn't get my address to you, or you didn't get my latest Oh-no-what-did-the-furry-weirdo-send-now package, it is:
Matt Dow
1615 1/2 Washington St.
Two Rivers, WI 54241 USA
Or as Canadian customs likes it:
MATTHEW M. DOW
1615 1/2 WASHINGTON ST.

TWO RIVERS, WI 54241 USA
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For the record, I don't live there anymore either.

But feel free to send the secret Asian man who bought the place whatever you want.

Next time: "Wait, he's gonna keep doing this?"